I am proud to be Canadian.

On the whole, we are a kind, compassionate, accepting, sexy, and yes, sometimes overly apologetic group of people. I did say sexy. Ryan Gosling. Rachel McAdams. Ryan Reynolds. Drake. Michael Buble. Shania Twain. Pamela Anderson. Don’t make me name about a hundred more individuals, most of whom will be complete strangers to you, but who are very attractive nonetheless…

Canada is also a very beautiful land full of wide open spaces, VERY wide open spaces, sometimes SO wide open that it literally takes hours to get to good shopping. If however you like camping, beavers, and bugs, you’ve come to the right place.

We rank among the best in the world in a few very important categories as well:

We have a very low crime rate. You have a higher chance of getting eaten by a bear than you do of getting mugged. I’m just guessing about that, but still, it’s probably true.

Per capita, there are more records broken in Canada than in any other country. In 2012, the University of Alberta organized the largest dodgeball game in history, rallying together almost five thousand people. If we know anything, it’s how to have a rockin’ good time. Don’t even get me started on our beer.

We have lots of immigrant millionaires. That’s a relatively strange fact to be stating, I know, but I think it says something about our accepting attitudes. You come here from wherever, and you want to open a chain of cupcake stores? You’ll probably do very well. We’ll eat them. We don’t care who you are.

We are the most educated people in the world. We don’t factor Justin Bieber and his mansion of cocaine-users into that group. He’s very talented though. See what positive thinkers we are? We also see the good in everybody. We are like saints, or at least, the new Pope. Gay marriage? It’s just a regular thing around here.

We have the most sex, probably because it’s so cold for half the year that there’s nothing else to do. How DOES one fornicate while wearing a parka? Wouldn’t you like to know?

And Canadian or not, check out our video and see how well you compare, eh?