First let me say that I love all animals big and small. I have a not-so-secret desire to live on a hobby farm with cats, dogs, goats, horses, pigs, donkeys, etc.‍‍‍ Just ask my husband. He’s heard me beg. Problem is, he wants the opposite – to live in a penthouse apartment, no responsibilities, no fucking mess (as he puts it).

So like most married couples, we compromise. We live in a regular house, on a regular street, and we have cats – the least demanding and cleanest of all the “you can at least engage with them, and they’re not farm animals” pets. As for dogs, I’ve never had one, though – as I said – it’s always been part of my “creating a zoo” plan. My husband (the party-pooper) says we are “too busy” which is partly true. Thus, I’ve never pushed the issue much.

No, I’ve never had a dog, that is, until now. OK, that’s not even true. I still don’t have my “own” dog; I have two “grand” dogs. My son got them– six months apart. Who knew that puppies were like babies? I know people say that, but I always thought it was a gross exaggeration. Now I know– it’s not. In fact, I think puppies are worse than babies. At least, babies wear diapers.

People also say that cats and dogs are very different too. In the last year and a half, I’ve come to see just how different. It’s shocking, to be honest.

First of all, dogs don’t just want to be with you, they need to be with you, as if you are the oxygen they breathe. If you don’t honour their company, they will pee on your most expensive clothes, chew on all your shoes and computer cords, and possibly destroy the walls on the entire main floor of the house, because hey, that’s what you do when you’re deprived of an essential life-giving element: you go nuts.

Cats on the other hand, are more of a “I can take you or leave you, but I’d rather leave you” situation. Like yeah, I’ll take you when I’m hungry; the rest of the time, get lost.

Then there’s the “laying down with you” issue. I mean, both cats and dogs show affection, right? They just do so in different ways.

Say you are sitting on the couch or lounging in bed. A cat will come along, circle you slowly, look over at you for a few minutes from three feet away – assessing if all is right with the world, and it’s safe to get closer. If the stars are aligned, they will approach cautiously, take another few minutes to decide where the appropriate and exact spot is to get comfortable, rethink their decision a few more times, and then – if and only if the wind is blowing in the right direction, AND the dollar has a good trading value, AND the president is someone they like – they will grace you with their presence. Be aware however, any loud noise like the front door slamming or the phone ringing, and they will be gone.

But dogs, they will literally jump on your face, lick you to death, and then plop down on your chest/neck area like a lump. There’s no thinking about it. No humming, hawing, and decision-making. It’s like, “Hi human. We’re sleeping together. Deal with it.”

There are other ways that cats and dogs are different as well. To me, the following is the biggest one…

See, cats have this aura of sophistication about them. They are fur-covered royalty really. They stipulate, “Pat me. Feed me. Let me in. Let me out. Let me in. Let me out, etc. etc. etc.” They are clean freaks and definite stunners. They can mesmerize you with their beautiful and often scarily glowing eyes. With them, we humans do what we’re told, or we suffer the consequence of being shunned, and/or killed in our sleep by one slash of a claw to the throat – both terrifying thoughts. No, we want to be loved by these elegant, yet oh-so-selective creatures, not left for dead in a pool of blood on our pillow.

Conversely, dogs are like frat boys and rugby-playing girls. The don’t put on airs; they are like bulls in a china shop; they eat things they shouldn’t – like glass, and cat poop, and poisonous food items they find on the floor such as grapes and squares of chocolate; and they get really really dirty and don’t even care.

Yes, dog and cats are definitely different, but I can see the benefits of having both. When I want to be worshipped, I’ll call my son to bring over the dogs. But when I want true “I am less than worthy” love, I’ll call my cats… “Here kitty, kitty, kitty…” They may or may not respond, but hey, that’s all part of the fun, isn’t it? The suspense? Finally, I’m one step closer to my “farm”.

Watch the video below to see who is the better pet!